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Pre Marriage & Marriage Workbook

    Feb 4, 2026 | by Teacher Michael Carter
    This workbook is applicable to those who are already married and desire a few instructions to better their marriage.
    Or for those who desire to get married and desire some instruction to lead them. Nonetheless, this workbook is designed to promote healthy relationships that produce healthy marriages.

    Choosing to bring your relationship under the umbrella of God’s grace through obeying His word to become married is the best decision you can make in regards to your relationship. It positions you to experience God’s influence and mercy. Some choose to live together in fornication exposing them to God’s judgment. Resist your flesh and do it God's way. Thankfully, you have chosen to get married and do things God’s way. Hebrews 13:4 | Matthew 19:6

    We have provided a workbook to assist the couple in developing a healthy marriage.
    If the foundation is set correctly, the marriage is set for health and success. Developing a successful healthy marriage does not come automatically after you say I Do. Nor is it easy. But doable with growth and God's help. You both must be willing to grow and put in the work to keep a healthy relationship. And a healthy God centered relationship leads to a healthy marriage.


    We view each pillar as a biblical principle    . So we will take a brief glance at what the bible says about them. Then you are led to focus on how the principle impacts the relationship and marriage. There are questions to provoke dialogue and to clarify individual perspectives and opinions on the subject. Once the principle is reviewed and the questions are answered, the workbook leads you to separately write out your expectations and then present them to one another.

    Now you know what the other person thinks, desires and expects. If there are adjustments needed, make them and come to a point of agreement. Then you are led to develop an ongoing action plan. This helps to maintain the pillar and develop the correct foundation to build a healthy relationship; thus a healthy marriage.


    Principles covered in this workbook 

    • Marriage Preparedness
    • Integrity
    •  Faithfulness
    •  Consideration
    •  Respect
    •  Love
    •  Communications
    •  Intimacy
    •  Accountability
    •  Developing a Christ Centered Marriage 

      

    Marriage Preparedness

    Often people say that they get married because they love one another. Well, that's important and necessary. But that's not the most important reason to get married. Marriage is choice that should be predicated on your preparedness defined by your position spiritually, soul and body according to God’s word.

    The challenge is that some don’t set the bar that high and settle. Often because society has moved so far away from God that they may think that His standards seem to high or are even unattainable. The answer is to raise your standards  according to God’s word. God’s ways will always garner the very best outcome. And you may avoid a few things as well.

    What does the bible say about it? 
    Your preparedness is associated with your position with God. Matthew 6:33 | John 3:3-6 | Galatians 5:22-23
    Nothing else matters, we are to seek Him first. When this text uses the word righteousness, its speaking of a right standing relationship with God. This is done through repenting of our sins and giving out hearts to the Lord. Now, you born again, and positioned with God to hear from Him, operate in His kingdom principles experience His influence and walking in His character or the fruit of the Spirit. 

    Discussions Questions:
    • Explain your relationship with God and how it impacts and informs your life and choices
    • Discuss the importance faith plays in your life
    • Is it important that your spouse joins you in your faith?
    Your preparedness is associated with having a sound soul. 1 Timothy 1:7
    A sound mind or soul is one that is balanced and have no residual from past relationships. If there is a lot of baggage, you may not be ready to get married. Get rid of and release all of that baggage of hurt, drama and disappointment from the past. You don't want to bring that into this marriage. When its not present in your heart and thinking, governing your perceptions and feelings you are positioned correctly to be married.  

    Discussions Questions:
    • Are there any remaining feelings or emotional attachments from your last relationship?
    • Are there any unresolved matters or emotions lingering in your heart from any past relationships?
    • Are there any regrets from ending the past relationship?
    Your preparedness is associated with your body. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6
    Being prepared for marriage from your bodies stand point is considering your abilities and all that your body produces to  serve in this union according to God's word. This means being able to minister to one another sexually and produce children if that's your agreed desire. For the man it details his ability to protect, care and provide for her and the family NOW. For the woman is about respecting, honoring and yielding to him NOW. Otherwise, you both may not be ready for marriage.

    Discussions Questions:
    • Can you physically minister to your future spouse?
    • (to the man) Are you in the position financially to care and prove for you wife and family NOW? 1 Timothy 5:8
    • (to the man) Do you have a place that provides an wholesome environment for them NOW? Ephesians 5:25-28
    • (to the woman) Do respect and honor him NOW?
    • (to the woman ) Are you willing to yield to his leadership NOW? Ephesians 5:22-24 

    Tip: Marriage is already a complicated union of two different people coming together in matrimony. When the two are not prepared, its further complicated and headed for drama and trouble. Often ending in a court house. Being prepared spiritually, physically and emotionally according to God's word positions you to experience a healthy meaningful marriage. 

    And when challenges do come up, because they will, you will be better positioned to handle them together and grow from them.

    Expectation:

    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

    Godly Integrity 

    Biblical integrity is an ethical area of the heart. It’s being committed and steadfast to honesty, sincerity and blamelessness in your motives. It informs your actions. Your desire is to operate according to God’s standards and you are committed and consistent to doing the right thing no matter who is or who is or who is not around. Or who sees or does not see you. Operating in integrity should deter any questioning of one another’s motives. You know that they will do the right thing because their integrity is principled in God’s standards.

    Godly integrity builds your trustworthiness and gives your spouse the confidence to commit their heart to them. Proverbs 10:9 | Proverbs 11:3

    What does the bible say about this area? Consider Joseph in Genesis 39
    He was originally a slave, but by the grace of God he was freed by the king. The king trusted him and put him over everything in leadership. However, the king’s wife liked Joseph. She would often attempt to get him to lay with her. He knew the operations of the home and who would be where and when. He could have engaged her and no one would have ever known about it. And based on his position and who she was, they certainly would not have told anybody.


    But Joseph operated in a high level of Godly integrity and withstood her advances. In one occasion she again made her advances to him and again he refused. But this time she grabbed a piece of his garment. She would later accuse him of trying to violate her, using it as evidence against him. Joseph was placed in prison for a crime that he did not commit, he was blameless. God honored his integrity, kept and even used him in prison. Genesis 40

    We find in Genesis 41 that God used Joseph to interpret the king’s dream. This led to his release and reappointment over Pharaohs house and operations. Pharaoh reassured Joseph trustworthiness. This led to the salvation of a nation and later Joseph’s family. Joseph operated in a high level of Godly integrity principled in God’s standards and ethics, not their culture or the world. It was the wisdom of God in him and his integrity that led the king to trust him over his business and household.

    This is the influence of Godly integrity flowing in our lives. It’s an inner conviction that informs our choices and behavior.
    It’s a vital pillar in the marriage. Remove it and doubt and suspicion can creep in. This invites perceptions and feelings to be askew, leading to misunderstandings and mistrust. Questioning a person’s hearts intents, is questioning their core and their integrity. Yet, walking in a high level of integrity builds confidence and trustworthiness in the relationship and in the marriage. 
     
    Discussion Questions: Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Explain your reflections on Genesis 39, 40, 41 and what you took away from it.
    • Explain how integrity drives your choices and behavior,
    • Explain how integrity impacts your trustworthiness towards your spouse
    • Explain how important trustworthiness is to you in the marriage
    • Explain what integrity in your relationship looks like to you?
    • Give your response on how you may react when lines of integrity are crossed.

    Tip: A Godly person of integrity is a person whose confession of faith matches their actions with God’s standards, no matter who is around or sees them. However, if your partner violates the lines of integrity and then repents, don’t hold on to it, forgive and let it go. Keep in mind; this is not an area that you want to keep violating. It can compromise your trustworthiness. Reestablish it by repenting and raise your level of integrity to God’s standards.

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

     Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.

     

    Faithfulness 

    Faithfulness is the ability to keep your word and commitments. Marriage brings two people together in what we call matrimony. It’s a verbal covenant made before God and witnesses. Faithfulness impacts one's ability to keep those vows. When you give your word, all of who you are should be behind keeping it. Faithfulness is about keeping your word commitments. Try your hardest to remain faithful over your words. It earns you the perception that you are dependable and trustworthy. Those are necessary components to a successful marriage and home. Proverbs 12:22 

    The highest level of faithfulness is to become one with your words. When they have your word, they have you. And all of who you are should be behind keeping that word. It's the glue that keeps the vows alive in your heart. 

    What does the bible say about this area?
    Look at these text and discus. Deuteronomy 7:9 | Psalm 119:89-90
    The bible speaks about God being faithful over His word. This is why we are to put our trust and
    faith in who God is and His word, not in what we see or our feelings. 2 Corinthians 5:7
    Put your faith and trust in God being a promise keeper who keeps His word. Jeremiah 1:12
    And above all, God is one with His word. John 1:1 | 1 John 5:7

    As the children of God, we are instructed to be like or to mimic Him. Ephesians 5:1
    We cannot be like God in His essence of being all knowing, all wise, and all powerful and everywhere at the same time. Those are His attributes as All Mighty God. But we can be like Him in character and in being faithful over our words. As with God, we are to be one with our words. It builds confidence in one another’s ability to be responsible and committed to their word and vows. Faithfulness is the glue that keeps the vows alive in your heart, life and marriage.
    Discussion Questions:
    Sit down together and take turns answering the following questions and discus them.
    • Express your thoughts and takeaways from Deuteronomy 7:9 and Jeremiah 1:12
    • Explain how those text informs your faith
    • Explain how important it is to you to keep your word.
    • Explain how important it is for your spouse to keep their word.
    • Explain how it makes you feel when your partner does not keep their word.
    • Give your response on how you may react when your partner does not keep their word.
    Tip: Don’t allow your mouth to write a check that your body and efforts can’t cash. Think before you speak. Train yourself to not take your word commitments lightly; not even jokingly, it speaks to who you are and your faithfulness. And be one with your words. Your ability to keep your word gives your spouse and family something they can hold on to. 
    Yeah, that would be your words.

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

      

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

     Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

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     Assignment : View the following video on the five habits to a strong marriage and discus your takeaways from it.

    Hit this link or copy and paste it into your browser

      

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


    Consideration

    To be considerate is to be mindful of how your actions impact your spouse as well as being mindful of their time, preferences, well being and position as your spouse. This includes your behavior, their
    opinions, points of views, feelings, lines of respect and desires. Here is where dying to yourself is demonstrated, as you prefer them first.

    This requires a conscience mental effort because when you were single, your thinking was mostly
    about you. But now that you’re married you must consider your spouse in all things.

    Consideration buffets self centeredness and selfishness and it is an extension of your love for them. It keeps them in the forefront of your heart and mind asking; how will this make them feel, impact
    them, the relationship and our marriage? It’s that inner nudge that reminds you that it’s not always about you and that there is someone else at home to consider other than the dog.

    What does the bible say about this area: Philippians 2:3-4
    The greatest example of consideration is Jesus. His selflessness and consideration for us was demonstrated by Him being whipped viciously, spit on, smacked and crucified on the cross. He considered our salvation above His life by baring our sins, going to hell in our place so we would not have to go there once we are saved. We were His primary consideration during it all.

    You may say; well that was Jesus. Well, as believers we are to be Christ-like. 1 Corinthians 11:1
    The word followers used in this text means to mimic. We are to mimic Jesus. Consideration should flow through us as it did through Him. It is His Christ-likeness in action flowing in and through us towards our spouse. Consideration in marriage is you being loving, selfless, thinking of them above yourself.

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Express your thoughts and takeaways from Philippians 2:3-4
    • Explain your thoughts on how Jesus considered you before Himself
    • Do you believe that you should walk in that same consideration towards your spouse?
    • Explain what consideration for your spouse looks like to you?
    • Do you believe your life, social habits and relationships should adjust once you get married?
    • What may be some of the lifestyle changes you would consider making once you get married?
    Tip: Being considerate in marriage is a reflection of how you view and understand Jesus consideration towards you.
    It’s an expression of love that’s mindful of how they may feel and how your actions and choices impact them, the relationship and the marriage.

    It will cost you your selfishness at the moment. But it will pay great dividends in your relationship and marriage later. 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

     Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

      

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


     

    Respect

    Respect means to extend honor to someone and their position within defined lines and order. To have a healthy relationship and marriage mutual lines of respect must be recognized and
    followed. Respect defines the boundaries of the relationship that leads to a healthy marriage. To cross those lines or ignore them is disrespectful.

    Disrespect opens the door to dishonor, toxicity and abuse; all leading to an unhealthy relationship. And as a married couple, when you disrespect your spouse, you are disrespecting yourself because of their place in your life as your spouse. Respect defines the lines of how you talk about and to one another, in private and in public. It speaks to how you honor and welcome one another’s opinions, points of view, ideas, feelings and voice. It defines how you interact with one another physically, in private and in public. Respect also has a measure of consideration that recognizes the other person’s space and their lines of respect.

    Respect is a mandatory principle that defines the lines of operation in the relationship and in your marriage. Cross them and trouble follows .Keep them and there is discipline and health.

    What does the bible say about this area? Proverbs 1:7 | Ecclesiastes 12:13
    Respect is a kingdom principle that sets the stage for honor, balance and order. Our primary respect should be towards God. Often the term fear is used to describe our respect for God. This is in recognition of who God is and how we are to be in awe of Him, and understanding that we all must be accountable to Him 2 Corinthians 5:10-12.

    In addition there is respect in creation and it should be in organized society. This level of respect is necessary to maintain balance, discipline and order. Romans 13:1-4 Remove respect and the fear of God; and things will become out of order, undisciplined, unbalanced and lawless. Within a marriage, respect is required to maintain discipline, honor balance and order. 1 Peter 2:17 | Ephesians 6:1-2

    Remove respect from any relationship and order will be challenged and lines will be crossed, opening the door to an unhealthy relationship. Yet, maintaining those lines of respect leads to a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage. Respect is necessary towards God, in our social order, homes, relationships and in our marriages.      

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Give your individual thoughts on the first two opening paragraphs of this session
    • Explain what your takeaways are from Ecclesiastes 12:13 and 2 Corinthians 5:10-12
    • Explain your understanding of your respect towards God
    • Explain how your respect and fear of God influences your choices and behavior?
    • Do you believe that respecting authorities helps to keep balance and order in society?
    • Explain your thoughts on how respect impacts your relationship and marriage.
    • Explain what respect towards you looks like.
    • Express four things that you would find disrespectful towards you.
    Tip: Sure, in most cases people understand general respect for one another. But there is a respect that incorporates and considers the place your partner has in your life as your spouse that takes it up a notch. Your spouse is the closest one to you other than God. They are due a high level of respect. Keep in mind; it’s an adjustment for the both of you. Initially, boundaries may be crossed.

    Consider charging it to the head and not the heart. Forgive, reset and live forward. And resolve to not cross that line again. Respect is a man dory pillar in any relationship and in marriage. 
    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

     

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    Assignment

    Hit the following link or copy it into your browser. It is a video of Dr. Myles Munroe on success laws of marriage.

    View it and discus your opinion and takeaways.

     

    Here is the link:

    https://www.google.com/search?q=video+of+Myles+Munroe+on+marriage&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:73bcd653,vid:rem5qkLCrAA,st:0

      

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


     

    Love

    As believers when we talk about love in a marriage we are referring to the God kind of love. It’s the kind of love that gives of itself unconditionally. It’s not based on the person, but the love of God in our hearts. It’s different from the world’s love because it expects nothing in return, not even the other person’s love or gratitude. It’s an expression of God’s heart in and through you. And there is no better person to express that type of love towards than your spouse. 


    The God kind of love considers the other person more than themselves and desires the very best for them, even at self’s expense. Although it’s not the primary reason to get married, love is one the greatest motivations of behavior in a marriage.
    The God kind of love is not just a noun or a verbal statement of I love you; It's expressed by our actions
    towards them.

    What does the bible say about this area? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
    God loved us so much that He expressed it by sending Jesus to the cross - John 3:16. It was the ultimate expression of love. God loved us first without any expectation of us loving Him or even expressing our gratitude towards Him. Even when we were all jacked up, He loved us. Romans 5:8 That’s simply just who He is. 1 John 4:19 | 1 John 4:8
    Whether we understand it or not, all that God does, and allows is because of His love towards us.

    This is the kind of love that should be demonstrated in a marriage
    As born again believers, we have God’s love abiding in our hearts. Romans 5:5
    Husbands are to love their wives as Christ love the church. Ephesians 5:25-29.
    A wife's love is a point of honoring her husband and his position. Ephesians 5:22

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Explain your feelings and takeaways concerning God’s love for you based on John 3:16
    • Express your thoughts on knowing that it was God’s love that sent Jesus to the cross
    • Express how much you love your partner to them.
    • What does your love in action towards your spouse look like?
    • How would you like that love to be expressed towards you?
    • Explain what your love language is and what it looks like?
    Tip: The God kind of love gives of itself at self’s expense. It tolerates, seeks not its own, but the betterment of the spouse.
    And although it looks for nothing in return, it should be subjected to the disciplines of a healthy relationship and respect. It’s not a doormat for people to abuse you. Love is a very expensive emotion, by wise how you spend it. 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another. If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

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     Assignment:

    Often life can get busy, and we can take one another for granted. So, for one whole week, daily send your partner a text or an email describing something about them that you adore and appreciate.

     

    Do this for a week straight.

    Once you get it, do not ignore it or take it for granted. Yes, it’s an assignment that you both know about. But you should acknowledge and appreciated it by responding to your partner with gratitude and appreciation. It builds dividends in your marriage. And sometimes we need to remind our partner how very special they are to us. And hearing it, just might make their day. 

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


     

    Communications

    Communications is the process of exchanging and understanding information and feelings.
    When communications shuts down, the life of the marriage begins to hemorrhage. Communications is a two Way Street, better done by listening twice as much, speaking less and asking questions. You’re listening for content while resisting the temptation to prejudge what is being said. You’re being attentive to non verbal's and speaking to be understood with clarity.

    Keep in mind that communications are impacted by so many variables. Some of those variables include your background, education, ethnicity, culture and more. Yet, one very important variable in communications is the fact that men and women are different. They speak, hear, understand and perceive things differently. Not understanding this can lead to mischaracterizations and problems. Yet, understanding this and adjusting can lead to better communications

    Pause and take a moment to view this video by Mark Gungor on the tale of two brains.
    Just some fun stuff to view and discus. Hit this link or copy and paste it into your browser


    https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=fc896dc4d2a57eed&rlz=1C1SJWC_enUS1101US1101&cs=0&sxsrf=ANbL-n7VvzHkbPgulLaXk_iOm9wmL15lHw:1769883848749&q=Men+vs+women+brain&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiChOOQs7aSAxW7FVkFHeiVFa8QpboHKAB6BAgDEAI&biw=1447&bih=825&dpr=1&aic=0#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:33add84b,vid:29JPnJSmDs0,st:0

    Continuing on the subject of communications in marriage. Skillful communications is a life line that brings health to the relationship and marriage. However, good communications is a learned skill. Although we include it in this workbook, there is so much more to communication techniques to research and learn about. We encourage you to look at it further. Communications is a mandatory pillar in any healthy relationship and marriage.

    What does the bible say about this area?     James 1:19 | Proverbs 18:13
    Good communications require that you suspend judgments and assumptions. You’re listening for content, opposed to assuming where they are going based on your hearing filters. Often people are thinking about how they are going to respond, opposed to listening. This hinders your ability to listen. Consider suspending judgment and assumptions and listen for content.

    Good communications involves speaking clearly with the intent to be listened to and understood. That means that you are not speaking at them just to make your point. And you’re not speaking loud or aggressive. You may think that they now are hearing you. And you’re right, they hear you, but aren’t necessarily listening to you. Speak to be listened to.
    Ephesians 4:29 | Ephesians 4:15

    When communicating a conflict consider not being accusatory or looking for blame and criticizing them. That may put them in defensive mode, hindering their hearing. But present it in a manner that focuses on your feelings and how the matter impacts the marriage. Proverbs 15:1 | Proverbs 12:18
    And be mindful of your non verbal communications, they can speak louder than your word. The more precise you are on focusing on content the better you may be in your communications.

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Explain how James 1:19 informs your communications
    • Explain how Proverbs 18:13 informs your listening
    • Explain the difference in hearing and listening to someone
    • Express your prejudgments that you may have that may impact your listening
    • What would be your approach to them moving forward.
    • Give your thoughts on cursing at one another and name calling; acceptable or unacceptable?
    • Give your thoughts on loud aggressive communications; acceptable or unacceptable?
    • How do you respond when communications brake down?
    • Do you think it’s necessary to give them your full attention in order to hear them?
    Tip: The bible tells us to be swift to hear and slow to speak. This text instructs us to pause and engage head before mouth. Our words are like cracked raw eggs, you can’t un-crack them. Once those words leave your mouth, they are not retrievable.
    Our words can hurt and pierce the heart of a person. Pause and engage head, before you say something that you will regret later. Your word should not bring pain, but grace to the hearer. 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

      

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

     

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.

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    Assignment:

    This assignment is to be done by the both of you independent of one another. 

     

    Plan a date night without the other person knowing all the details. They may know the date and time and even the dress requirements if applicable. But the actual activity, restaurant or place is to be a surprise. 

     

     

     Intimacy  

    Most equate intimacy with sexuality, but it’s much more than that. Intimacy in your marriage is the act of freely opening up to your spouse and being vulnerable. It’s sharing and exposing you’re most inner personal fears, desires, concerns, bad choices, weaknesses and yes your feelings. The more vulnerable you are in opening up with one another, the greater intimacy grows and the more connected you become.

    The less you open up, the less it grows. Opening up helps you connect on a deeper level. In those quit moments with no phones or iPad, kids asleep or elsewhere, you’re dropping your guards, unpeeling layers of protection, sharing exposing your heart to one another.

    And often, in those moments, in a married situation, given the environment, there arises the desire to express your feelings towards one another in a more physical way. Now, intimacy becomes sexual. You desire to minister to one another out of that deep love you have for one another, desiring to please one another. Intimacy can cause you to connect with one another, grow with one another and become one with one another.

    What does the bible say about this area?     James 5:16 | Proverbs 27:17
    The bible speaks of intimacy by us presenting our faults to one another. It’s being vulnerable as you expose your feelings, weaknesses, failures, apprehensions and bad choices to one another. With our spouse, we should see them as trustworthy enough to be able to do this and be vulnerable.

    Consider that moment to be a no judgment zone, a place of refuge and solace. No demeaning, pointing the finger, criticizing or correction. Correction can come later, but not at that moment. Empathy; love, patience and meekness are needed and preferred. Galatians 6:1 No, this is not easy. And that’s why it’s so important to grow spiritually to be able to better do it.

    Your spiritual growth and emotional maturity matters in these moments. Instead of flowing like the world, in your flesh or emotionally charged, you’re flowing in Christ-likeness.

    Yes, the concern may be challenging. But you’re leaning more towards welcoming and cultivating the moment by giving your spouse that landing place and a place of release. This encourages intimacy and growth in the relationship. And when you do circle back to the concern, it may be less emotional. So you can focus more on the issue and its resolution. Now you’re connecting and growing together. You didn’t dismiss the conflict; you all simply managed it better.

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Give your thoughts and takeaways from James 5:16 & Proverbs 27:17
    • Give your thoughts and take always from Galatians 6:1
    • Express your thoughts on presenting your weaknesses, failures and shortcomings to one another
    • Explain how you will feel if your being vulnerable is met with judgment and criticism.
    • Tell your partner one fear, one apprehension and one doubt that you are currently dealing with
    • Explain your thoughts on how intimacy impacts your relationship and sexual encounters
    Tip: Spiritual growth is so necessary and impactful when it comes to this area. When folk grow in God’s character they are led by God's Spirit and His character and not emotions and flesh. This buffets their responses. If being vulnerable through intimacy is met with criticism, judgment and demeaning, most will avoid it, hindering marital growth. But when approached from a Godly perspective you will grow closer through the challenges you face. You will face them together and become one. It all flows better when done God’s way. 
    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

     Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:

    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage. Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

     

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


     

    Accountability

    Accountability is being responsible for your choices and actions. And yes, within a marriage accountability to your spouse is a necessary part of being married. Your lives are intertwined; your choices impact one another and the relationship. You have a responsibility to answer to your spouse in regards to those actions and choices. The simple question; where have you been is due an answer because it is well within the scope of being accountable to them.

    However, your questions and inquires should not be designed or meant to pigeonhole someone into feeling that they are being monitored or that their choices are subject to your approval. That’s not holding someone accountable, that borderlines a desire to control. That’s an unhealthy desire that undermines the health of your relationship and your marriage.

    Being accountable speaks to your response to your respect for them and their heart towards you. You’re responding to their desire for your safety, well being and the health of the marriage. In some cases, your spouse may see what you don’t; understand what may be eluding you and simply desiring your best. Accountability in marriage is good for you both.

    What does the bible say about this area? Romans 14:12 | Proverbs 27:17
    Our accountability is to God first, our spouse, society and to whom we choose to be accountable to. The bible is clear on this principle. There is accountability in all walks of life. And that’s a good thing because we tend to be bias towards our selves. Being accountable to another set of eyes just might do us some good. And yes, that includes your spouse.

    However, because it’s your spouse, those eyes and that iron sharpening just may come with a heightened level of emotions. And it just might be received with heightened emotions as well. So, be patient with one another and make your main motivation for holding your spouse accountable their best interest, your love for them and the marriage. Ephesians 4:15

    Discussion Questions: Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Explain your thoughts and takeaways from Romans 14:12 | Proverbs 27:17
    • Explain your understanding of being accountable to your spouse in regards to your choices and behavior.
    • Explain what being accountable to your spouse looks like
    • Explain what your motivation is in holding your spouse accountable
    • What are your thoughts on your spouse knowing you whereabouts?
    Tip: Accountability is not a point of constant judging, character bashing, questioning motives, second guessing or criticism. Those hurt a relationship. Accountability is a presentation of a mirror allowing them to see how their choices can or are impacting their situation, life and the marriage. When done in love, it can cause growth and impact your marriage.

    Yet, be wise who you are accountable to. They must be wise and truthful, and someone who loves
    you and has your very best care and interest at heart. 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

      

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

     After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

      

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


    Developing a Christ Centered Marriage 

    There is nothing or nobody more important than your relationship with God and your salvation. So, we challenge each of you to put God and your salvation first. With this in the forefront of our thinking, we invite you to developing a Christ centered life style and marriage. Nothing impacts your marriage more than your spiritual growth and relationship with the Lord.

    Most marriages today are self centered, principled in what people want and their ways. They build their lives around the world and not around their relationship with God. And later wonder why they are having certain problems. Although a Christ centered marriage does not eliminate all the problems you face in your marriage, it does provide a foundation to build a Godly marriage on that will assist you in navigating and mitigating the problems that you do face.

    Jesus is the chief cornerstone that we build our marriages on and around. Ephesians 2:19-22
    This means that we are to build the foundation of our lives and marriage on and around the things that He died and paid the price for us to experience. That includes our relationship with God, His character, His word and His kingdom operations. Those are the areas that Jesus returned to reposition us in, not religion. All should be subjected to those areas. They should guide and inform how we are live personally and in our marriages.

    A Christ centered marriage starts with a Christ centered lifestyle. 
    The word preeminence means number one. He must be number one in your heart as Lord on the throne of your choices. This is done through your obedience to His word, Spirit and ways. It’s about a personal relationship with God built on the sacrifice of Jesus and obedience to God’s word and kingdom principles. And because you are in obedience, you’re growing and operating in God’s character and not your flesh as a lifestyle. Colossians 1:18 | Galatians 5:19-23

    Discussion Questions:     Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • How does the bible describe who is Lord in our lives according to Luke 6:46-49 
    • Explain how making God’s word first informs how you live and behave.
    • Explain how you believe this can impact your marriage.
    • Explain what making Jesus the chief cornerstone through obedience looks like in your life.
    • Explain how think that informs and impacts your life and marriage.
    Tip: You can’t expect your marriage to be Christ centered and your lifestyle is not. A Christ centered marriage starts with YOU living a Christ centered lifestyle. It’s not just a confession of words; it’s a lived out lifestyle that’s influenced by your relationship with God in obedience.

    You will be the example of Christ-likeness to follow in your home and marriage. We are to re-present God in the sphere of our influence and marriages. 2 Corinthians 5:20

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


    A Christ centered marriage is a marriage where God’s word is final. 

    Because God’s word is final in your lives, prefer it to be final in your marriage as a Christ centered marriage. How we live personally should be done according to God’s word. Therefore, we bring our marriage in subjection to His word as well. We approach God’s word as the place to meet and settle our choices in regards to major areas of operations, how the relationship flows, children and other life choices. Defer the final decision to God’s word. Psalm 119:89

    This is an acknowledging of God. Proverbs 3:5-6
    To acknowledging means to consider what God’s word says about a matter and the leadings of the Holy Spirit. And you’re subjecting all your choices to God’s word. So, you’re not just recognizing God’s word, but applying and obeying it and living it out in your life as a lifestyle. Your subjecting your will to it. Isaiah 1:19

    This positions you to experience God’s influence in your life and in your marriage. A marriage that’s determining God’s word as being final is a marriage built on Christ and set up to be healthy and successful. Joshua 1:8

    Discussion Questions: Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.
    • Explain your takeaways from 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 &  Proverbs 3:5-6
    • Explain how God’s word informs your behavior and direction
    • Explain who you desire to have the final say in the direction of your life and relationship?
    • Not her way, or his way, but God’s way; Is this a statement you can live with?
    • Explain how you believe this can impact your life and marriage.

    Tip: Here is where the rubber meets the road. If Jesus is the cornerstone in our lives, His word must have first place. This is exemplified by our application and obedience to His word. The only way our marriage can be Christ centered is by subjecting it to God’s word, ways and concepts.

    By subjecting our lives and marriage to God’s word as the final say so; we recognize Christ as the cornerstone of our lives and marriage. God will take from there. 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

      

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

      

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


     

    A Christ centered marriage is a marriage where Christ-likeness abounds. 

    A Christ centered marriage is influenced by God’s character. Galatians 5:22-23
    It’s outlined as the fruit of the Spirit. Because we experience it from God, it should be the primary character flowing in and through us towards others and certainly towards our spouse. Yes, we all have our own personalities. And often people use that as an excuse to act a certain way. And that’s ok, as long as it does not act out according to your flesh. Actually, in some cases it’s a matter of lack of growth in God’s character. When people don’t grow spiritually, they tend to do things according to the world or their flesh. The higher level of operations is God’s character.

    We are to subject our ways to Cod's character. We’re yielding and allowing it to flow in and through us. Yet, abounding in God's character is an ongoing process of growth and yielding.

    Doing things according to the world and your flesh will not garner your best end results. Actually, it will damage your life and marriage. Yet, because of lack of knowledge, people don’t recognize this. Therefore they don’t choose to be intentional in growing in the fruit of the Spirit in order to abound in Christ-likeness. And yes, it impacts your life and your marriage.

    As children of God and kingdom citizens we are to be kingdom minded by choosing to do things God’s way. Choosing God’s way is us obeying His word, operating according to the fruit of the Spirit and following the leadings of the Holy Spirit. Your spouse and family will experience God’s life flowing in and through you. They will be experiencing Christ-likeness abounding in and through us. 

    This is why the early church and disciples were called Christians. Acts 11:26
    Actually, this term had absolutely nothing to do with religion. Christianity had not been recognized as a religion or religious organization at that time. It was not recognized as an organized religion until some three hundred years after this text was written. This text was written around 80 AD.

    The term was about their discipleship in God’s word and the teachings of Jesus that transformed their lifestyles and caused them to be Christ-like. Actually, they did not call themselves Christians, others did. They saw the change and noticed that they were acting like Jesus. God’s character was abounding in and through them to the point that others witnessed it and called them Christians or Christ-like. A Christ centered life and marriage is where Christ-likeness abounds in God’s
    character. This character is outlined in Galatians 5:22-23.

    Discussion Questions: Sit down together and answer the following questions and discus.

    • Explain your level of understanding of the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23
    • Explain your thoughts and understanding of the term Christian in the bible
    • Can you explain the difference in walking in your flesh opposed to the Spirit
    • Explain how you believe the fruit of the Spirit can impact your life and marriage.
    Tip: This requires an ongoing learning curve. To understand and operate in God’s fruit of the Spirit requires that you study them individually and apply them to your life. The more you grow in them, the more you will see how God expresses them towards you and how they are to flow in and through you. You will be led away from you flesh to walk in Christ-likeness.
    However, you can’t live above what you know. And you can’t walk in them if you don’t understand them. I encourage you to do an in-depth study of the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23.

    A Christ centered marriage is a marriage where Christ-likeness abounds. The only way you will abound in this area is to understand how they flow and walk in them.


    Here is a link to help: Copy this link into your browser https://tlwcm.org/article/the-fruit-of-gods-spirit-galatians-522-23-p1/

    Or hit this picture 

    Expectation:
    Separately write down what your spouse can expect from you in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    Separately write down what you expect from your spouse in this area. Once you have written it down; come together and discus those expectations.

     

    After presenting and reviewing your expectations, are there any adjustments needed.

     

    Action plan to establish and maintain this area in your lives and marriage:
    Separately write down what you are going to do in order to uphold this principle in your relationship and marriage.

     

    Then come together, present it and commit to following that plan and make a verbal agreement and commitment to one another.  If you are together, seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss. 

     

    Take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.


    Developing a Christ center marriage is essential

    As mentioned, developing a Christ centered marriage requires a Christ centered lifestyle. It is a lifestyle that resists sin and worldliness in favor of living according to a right relationship with God, obedience to His word and Spirit. It’s a lifestyle that's lived according to God's kingdom principles, nature and culture. And it is a lifestyle that abounds in God's character, or what the bible calls the fruit of the Spirit. It’s lifestyle that’s brought into the marriage to continually be lived out.

    This way, God's influence, ways and heart will be manifested in and through you to impact your environment, spouse, children and your home. Ephesians 5:21-29 Like God, you should desire the best for your spouse. This is shown through your love, consideration, patience and care. It is a reflection of God’s heart flowing through you. This opens the door to God’s influence to impact and touch your marriage. A Christ centered marriage brings glory to God because it reflect and demonstrates the heart of God towards people. It’s Christ-likeness flowing in and through you towards your spouse and in your household.

    However, a Christ center marriage is a lifestyle that requires afford.
    We live in a challenging world, where the true faith is being watered down and compromised. And worthiness has entered the church. And the enemies system is all around us, making living out the true faith a challenge to all true believers. Adding to the challenges of staying married. Divorces are rampant in the world as well as the church.

    Therein is the need to develop a Christ centered marriage
    But here is the greatest part of it all; we’re not doing it without God’s help. He has given us His word and His Spirit to lead, empower, illuminate and help us do it and win, to His glory. Yes, this is an ongoing point of growth in God’s word, kingdom principles and with His Spirit. Yet, nothing impacts our lives and our marriages more than our relationship with God.



    It empowers and transforms our lives into Christ-likeness. It will impact our marriages and those around us to the glory of God. This is the results of developing a Christ centered lifestyle and a Christ centered marriage.

    Closeout 

    As mentioned before, there are a few fundamental principles that must be in place and maintained in order to have a healthy relationship and marriage. We refer to them as pillars. We’ve identified a few that we covered in this workbook.  

     

    Separately write down your understanding of the pillars and how important they are to you in your marriage and how you think they impact your relationship and marriage. Then come back together and present what you wrote down and discuss it. 

     Integrity

     

     Faithfulness

     

     Consideration

     

     Respect

     

     Love

     

     Communications

     

     Intimacy

     

     Accountability

     

     Developing a Christ Centered Marriage

     

    Separate from one another and write down each of these areas in the order that they are important to you.
    Then come back together and explain why you have determined your order.

    1.

    2.

    3.

    4.

    5.

    6.

    7.

    8.

    9.

     

    Explain to your future spouse how committed you are to establishing and keeping these principles in place in your life and marriage. And seal it with a pinky swear and a kiss.

     

    Final assignment:

    Go get married and live out all that you have learned to the glory of God.

    And yes, take turns closing each session out by praying for one another, God's power and wisdom in this area and God's grace to walk in it.




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